Tim February 27, 2020 A dad's life

A bigger fish in a smaller pond

Is it better to be a big fish in a small pond or a smaller fish in a bigger pond? That’s what we’ve been pondering with Kara’s gymnastics recently.

Kara has been doing gym for nearly four years now. She started off going for an hour every Saturday morning. Then she was asked to join the development squad, and worked her way up to the elite group last year.

And then she got demoted.

Good, but not good enough?

Was this the right decision? Who am I to argue? I wouldn’t pretend for one minute to know better than the coaches do – my expertise in gymnastics extends only to watching the Olympics every four years – but I can see why it might have happened. Kara’s generally been the youngest in her set. She’s scarily strong but she isn’t as powerful as many of the others. Combined with her tall height, she struggles more on tumbles and somersaults. There’s a lot of body to flip over, and basic physics dictates that a longer body means more rotational energy to stop on landing. Added to that, she has generally struggled to put it all together in a competition setting. Every time, she goes to a comp with high hopes of a podium finish; every time, she comes home empty-handed and disappointed with a set of minor placings.

It’s not that she’s a bad gymnast at all. Far from it. This is a girl who can stick a backwards walk-over on the beam and turns one-handed cartwheels down the street for fun. She has a genuine six-pack while I just drink them. And I’m pretty sure that if she ever joined me on a Saturday morning for Parkrun, I wouldn’t see her for dust. She bounces like a rubber ball in much the same way I bounce like a brick. I’m pretty fit these days but I get tired just watching her warm-ups.

However, in a field of exceptional gymnasts, she has struggled to keep up.

Best of the rest

So while my obvious and immediate reaction to the news of her moving down a level was one of disappointment – how dare you say my daughter’s not good enough? – I’ve come to recognise the upside.

For starters, she doesn’t have to spend quite as many hours at the gym. She’s still training three times a week – plus an associated ballet session – but the hours aren’t quite as long, the pressure not quite as intense. Her regular end-of-week meltdowns born of sheer tiredness are fewer now. And she’s enjoying it just as much as ever. She may be training to a lower standard, but she’s now at the top rather than bottom of her group.

Competition time

With external competitions coming up over the next couple of months, her gym staged a mock event last weekend to prepare the girls, complete with judges. Heather always takes Kara to comps so this was a rare chance for me to see her perform her full routines on bar, beam, floor, vault and R&C (range and conditioning, or ‘showing off how strong and bendy you are’).

I watched her with pride and a tinge of sadness. Sadness because I could see her routines were significantly less technical than what I’ve watched her practise previously. But I was proud because I could see how well she performed them. Where her long limbs work against her when attempting the more difficult tumbles, at this level she glides through the more dance-y moves of her simpler routines with mesmerising grace.

I’ve watched Kara set off for her gymnastics competitions in the past fretting and lacking in her usual bubbly confidence. But here I could see she was completely at ease between her routines, and focussed and assured during them.

I didn’t need to know the judges’ scores. I could tell from her smile at the end of the competition that she was pleased with her performances. And this was borne out when the results were published the following day and she was top of her group. It was lovely to be able to celebrate rather than commiserate for once.

What’s next?

For now, Kara is performing at a level below what we know she’s capable of. But that’s no bad thing. Hopefully it will translate into medals when she heads into the real competitions to come and that will build up her confidence again.

Maybe she’ll regain her place in the elite squad. Or maybe she won’t. But if she can continue to have fun doing gymnastics and add some tangible achievements, then where’s the harm in splashing about in the smaller pond?

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6Comments

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1

RaisieBay on February 27, 2020 at 9:40 am
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I agree with you totally. Sometimes you have to realise that not everyone can be elite, but Kara obviously has talent and now that can be appreciated. And it sounds like she’s much happier. That sounds like a winner to me. I know others might disagree and say you should always push to be the best, but I honestly believe that happiness should be the highest priority. And like you say, she may make the elite team again one day. (Plus, I found that with a long body and limbs that there are other sports that can be excelled in which she may enjoy later, like netball, long jump, or triple jump.)

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  Tim on February 28, 2020 at 4:52 pm
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  Absolutely. I would like Kara to be the best she can possibly be, but if that means accepting that she’s not going to be an Olympic champion, then all I can ever ask is that she tries her best and enjoys it. She’s already proving that she has talent in other areas too – so maybe that might become her ‘thing’ one day too. For now, it means she can enjoy the benefits of being successful even if it is at a slightly lower level.
  
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endardoo on February 27, 2020 at 9:59 am
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This resonates particularly with me, Tim, as my son is a terrific soccer player who again has hit a plateau, for a variety of reasons. Still playing at a high level, he has had a knee condition for a long time, and has finally had to stop for an extended period while he does extensive rehab work, and will then move on to building up his knee. It’s a long process, he has been told.

He had been playing in pain for along time and showed enormous fortitude. He has had to take it as kids he competed with easily were passing him by because he just could not run as fast as he could, and explosive movement was a killer for him.This has all had to be processed over a period by a boy who is still only 14. It’s tough, but it’s his life.

He also refused to go down a level. The thing now is to help him stay positive, as part of him doesn’t believe he will get back to the very highest level, even though the physio has demonstrated he is making progress, as he is doing his extensive exercises religiously. It’s tough as a parent trying to keep him positive, even as you worry yourself, as he is the kind of kid who cannot tolerate BS, or empty positivity.

Great post. Kara sounds like a kid who will keep plugging away. And not to forget the part that simple physical development is playing in all this. We all know some kids get there earlier physically, but I am a believer in the ultimate power of the slow burner, who gets there physically in the end. In the meantime they will have had to rely on skill and technique, and when they have this in the bank PLUS the required physicality, then bye bye the early developers who did not build up their technique!

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  Tim on February 28, 2020 at 4:59 pm
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  We’ve said much the same thing about Kara. She has natural fitness and flexibility but she hasn’t developed the same musculature as some of the other girls – and maybe that will come a little bit later. In the meantime, she’s having fun and that’s no bad thing. If she picks up again later, she will get her chance. If not, she may continue for fun or maybe she’ll find another sport – my money’s on her earning a black belt.
  
  I remember reading about your son’s trials and tribulations. It’s so difficult in football because the competition is so numerous and so much of it is dependent on physical development and the fortune to stay injury-free. And it can work both ways, can’t it? I remember kids at school who were exceptional at sports at 12 or 13 but then suffered a serious injury or whose physical development peaked sooner and they found themselves overtaken by kids they fad previously towered over. Sporting improvement is so rarely as simple as charting a straight line – and if your son can fight his way through the adversity he has suffered so far, that mental strength could be hugely beneficial later.
  
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dadbloguk on February 27, 2020 at 2:19 pm
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Oh I hear you Tim. We recently moved Helen to a different gymnastics squad because she was a small fish in a tiny pond and not receiving the coaching she should have been getting. I say you have done the right thing. If you’d have left her at elite level, kara’s confidence would have been damaged beyond repair. Also, did you see what Chris Hoy said on my blog last week? he said it’s those kids who excel at a young age who burn out before they have a chance to go professional. if that’s Kara’s ultimate ambition, no bad thing to keep her back a bit.

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  Tim on February 28, 2020 at 5:02 pm
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  Wise words, John. I’m not sure that Kara has any set ambition for now, other than the joy of knowing she is learning more and improving every week. At that age, it’s as much about living in the moment, I guess, unless you’re one of those rare special talents who is destined for greatness. Your point about burnout is very important too – often it’s a good thing to slow down a step and then refocus. Plus a little adversity can breed the mental toughness that is just as big a part of being an elite-level sportsperson as technical skill or physical conditioning.
  
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