What if Nirvana had written Smells Like Teen Spirit about boys’ bedrooms?

It was 25 years ago this month that Smells Like Teen Spirit made its debut in the UK charts. (My God, I’m old …)

Kurt Cobain famously thought the line was an anti-establishment slogan whereas it was actually a reference to a brand of deodorant. But what if the band had knowingly written the lyrics of the song about the unpleasant smells that emanate from boys’ bedrooms?

Isaac and Toby, now eight and six, have been sharing a bedroom for four years but in the past few months it has been increasingly noticeable that their room has a distinct whiff of boy to it. It doesn’t matter how often you make them shower or how often you throw open their windows, the odour persists.

So what if Nirvana’s signature song had been titled, say, Smells Like Boys’ Bedrooms? Would it have sounded something like this? You decide.

Smells Like Boys’ Bedrooms (to the tune of Smells Like Teen Spirit)

A boys’ bedroom, it’s full of smells
Like living in olfactory hell
No matter what we try to do
Their room smells like a dirty loo

It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs

In the morning, it’s horrendous
But the boys seem not to notice
And the odour is outrageous
Open windows make no difference
A hot shower
On full power
The Lynx effect
Has a defect

Tried air freshener and changed the sheets
But still the smell is far from sweet
It’s not the same when you have girls
Boys’ bedrooms make you want to hurl

It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs

In the morning, it’s horrendous
But the boys seem not to notice
And the odour is outrageous
Open windows make no difference
A hot shower
On full power
The Lynx effect
Has a defect

I’m running out, got no more words
I’ll compensate by singing slurred
It worked for Kurt, he did just fine
Oh well, whatever, never mind

It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs, how wrong
It smells, it stinks, it pongs

In the morning, it’s horrendous
But the boys seem not to notice
And the odour is outrageous
Open windows make no difference
A hot shower
On full power
The Lynx effect
Has a defect

A no-go zone [x9]

And here is the original in all its glory.

Parenting parodies

Thatcham Rhapsody (to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Toilet Trained (to the tune of Wonderwall)

Fairytale of Thatcham (to the tune of Fairytale of New York)

Kids in Cars (to the tune of Life on Mars)

Won’t You (Buy Something For Me) (to the tune of Don’t You (Forget About Me))

Pretty in Pink (to the tune of Pretty in Pink)

Vote For Me (to the tune of Let It Be)

iPhone (to the tune of Payphone)

When Stars Die (to the tune of When Doves Cry)

Parent Bloggers (to the tune of Single Ladies)

BML (to the tune of Let It Go)

Mummy Mummy Mummy (to the tune of Money Money Money)

Dinner at Maccy D’s (to the tune of Breakfast At Tiffany’s)

Halloween (to the tune of Beautiful)

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