To those of us who have children old enough to communicate properly, do you ever wonder what they were thinking before they were old enough to talk? I do.
Kara is four now and lets us know in no uncertain terms what’s on her mind. But there was a time when I used to wonder what she would say if she had been able to explain why it was she decided to crawl right across the room to demand something of her mother when I was sitting barely two feet away.
And this is what I came up with.
Now those of you who have heard me singing before will know that I’m more of a lyricist than a vocalist and, as I discovered after nine increasingly infuriating attempts to record a version of this which was even vaguely in tune, ABBA is so not in my range.
So, with apologies – and even more out of tune than usual – here’s my reworking of the classic Money Money Money.
Mummy Mummy Mummy (to the tune of Money Money Money)
I cry all night, I sleep all day, but all I want to do is play
Ain’t it sad
And still there never seems to be enough on TV just for me
That’s too bad
In real life I’m not so dumb
If I could be more like my mum
I wouldn’t have to crawl at all, I’d run around and have a ball
Mummy, mummy, mummy
Must be funny
In the grown-ups’ world
Mummy, mummy, mummy
Always sunny
In the grown-ups’ world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I was more like my mummy
It’s a grown-ups’ world
It’s a grown-ups’ world
That Igglepiggle’s quite the toy, I’d like to make him my own boy
Ain’t it sad
And if he left Upsy Daisy I bet he wouldn’t marry me
That’s too bad
When I grow up, just like my mum
I’ll drink red wine or maybe rum
Spend Friday evenings down the pub or gossiping with my book club
Mummy, mummy, mummy
Must be funny
In the grown-ups’ world
Mummy, mummy, mummy
Always sunny
In the grown-ups’ world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I was more like my mummy
It’s a grown-ups’ world
Mummy, mummy, mummy
Must be funny
In the grown-ups’ world
Mummy, mummy, mummy
Always sunny
In the grown-ups’ world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I was more like my mummy
It’s a grown-ups’ world
It’s a grown-ups’ world
And here is the original which, incidentally, celebrates the 40th anniversary of its release on November 1st this year.
Parenting parodies
Thatcham Rhapsody (to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)
Toilet Trained (to the tune of Wonderwall)
Fairytale of Thatcham (to the tune of Fairytale of New York)
Kids in Cars (to the tune of Life on Mars)
Won’t You (Buy Something For Me) (to the tune of Don’t You (Forget About Me))
Pretty in Pink (to the tune of Pretty in Pink)
Vote For Me (to the tune of Let It Be)
iPhone (to the tune of Payphone)
When Stars Die (to the tune of When Doves Cry)
Parent Bloggers (to the tune of Single Ladies)
BML (to the tune of Let It Go)
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