As anyone who attended the parent blogging conference #BML16 at the weekend will know (a) I like to write parody songs and (b) I can’t sing. That has yet to stop me combining the two, though.
I have to admit, although I was a bundle of nerves in the lead-up to stepping on stage, I loved every second of it once I was up there.
People asked me how I coped with singing to a packed room. In truth, it was easier than doing my sound-check earlier that morning in front of 20 people.
People said I was brave. It was more foolhardy, really.
I did have a moment about ten minutes before where I contemplated hiding under the table and hoping no one would notice. But it’s like the first time you go bungee-jumping. Once you’ve reached the point of no return, you just get on with it.
I don’t know what it’s like to be Coldplay headlining at Glastonbury, but for 2½ minutes on Saturday afternoon, I got a sense of it. It doesn’t quite match up to a wedding day or the birth of a child – but it was very close. I cannot even begin to describe what it felt like to walk off that stage to a standing ovation. It was an incredible feeling. Incredible. If anyone ever asked me to do it again, I would do it in a shot. (Don’t worry, they won’t ask again.)
Anyhow, here is my less orthodox, more tongue-in-cheek look back at #BML16. The usual caveats about my less-than-perfect singing voice apply.
BML (to the tune of Let It Go)
In London town on a Friday night
Parent bloggers all arrived
The Holiday Inn in Camden
Reached by tube or taxi ride
We wolfed down canapés and washed them down with wine
Drinks at All Bar One, everything was fine
And so we came, from far and wide
At the Brewery we all queued up inside
We registered, we had arrived
We had arrived
This year on its fifth birthday
A full day of work and play
Jen and Suse
Got us under way
The first session of a long, tiring day
It’s funny how the time flies
When bloggers stop to chat
And the regular breaks for cake
Would make us very fat
It’s time to see what I can learn
On SEO and how to earn
On Instagram or writing voice, that’s me
Thatchamdad’s singing parody
Made us wet ourselves with wee
Then dinner time
Can we split the bill?
A screaming klaxon summons suddenly from sleep
A thousand guests descend the stairs and mill around like sheep
And two thoughts crystallising in a blogger’s mind
Which hashtag should I use?
Should I do Facebook Live?
What a cruel way to start Sunday
With a fire alarm
Stand around in our PJs
And we’re out of here
Off to Paddington
We all will be coming again next year
And, one the one-in-a-million chance that you haven’t heard this 9,482 times already, here is the original Idina Menzel version from Frozen.