A parenting blogger parody: iPhone

iPhone Maroon 5

Another month, another musical parody.

One of a parent blogger’s most vital tools is their smartphone. For us it’s a mobile office: the hub of our social media accounts, a camera to snap our children’s latest exploits and even a publishing tool.

It’s not just bloggers, though. In less than a decade, it’s amazing how many of us have become dependent on smartphones. It’s certainly not an exaggeration to say I would struggle to organise my life without my trusty iPhone, which goes wherever I go.

So, with thanks to Maroon 5, here is an ode to modern smartphone-enabled life, which I’m sure many of us – bloggers or otherwise – will recognise.

iPhone (to the tune of Payphone)

I’ve got an iPhone, don’t want a Samsung
All of my friends prefer iOS
Got all my emails, notifications
Without them life would be a mess

Yeah, I, I find it hard to remember
The era before 3G
Pre-YouTube, before iPlayer
When we had to watch TV

These days it’s all on my mobile
But now I’ve got RSI
And while I’m waiting for downloads
Network connection went down

I’m wasting my time
Stuck in a dead zone
Where there’s no signal
Now I’ve got two bars
But I need wi-fi
It’s all eating into my Facebook time

I’ve got an iPhone, don’t want a Samsung
All of my friends prefer iOS
Got all my emails, notifications
Without them life would be a mess

If worlds without a smartphone did exist
I would still be sending tweets like this
Instagram photos of lunchtime food
One more like or comment would be good

Oh, we turn our backs on our children
We’re forever running late
Because we just want to type out
Another status update

Where is that smiley emoji?
I know it’s in there somewhere
I’m sure I’ve used it before
But I can’t find it anywhere

I’m wasting my time
Stuck in a dead zone
Where there’s no signal
Now I’ve got two bars
But I need wi-fi
It’s all eating into my Facebook time

I’ve got an iPhone, don’t want a Samsung
All of my friends prefer iOS
Got all my emails, notifications
Without them life would be a mess

If worlds without a smartphone did exist
I would still be sending tweets like this
Instagram photos of lunchtime food
One more like or comment would be good
Now I’ve got an iPhone

Ooh, yeah, yeah, so baby let’s Snapchat
And maybe I can tweet and Pinterest that
Write a new blog post on the WordPress app
And fill your mail inbox with yet more crap

I’ve got an iPhone, don’t want a Samsung
All of my friends prefer iOS
Got all my emails, notifications
Without them life would be a mess

If worlds without a smartphone did exist
I would still be sending tweets like this
Instagram photos of lunchtime food
One more like or comment would be good
Now I’ve got an iPhone

And here is the (non-explicit) Maroon 5 original:

Parenting parodies

Thatcham Rhapsody (to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Toilet Trained (to the tune of Wonderwall)

Fairytale of Thatcham (to the tune of Fairytale of New York)

Kids in Cars (to the tune of Life on Mars)

Won’t You (Buy Something For Me) (to the tune of Don’t You (Forget About Me))

Pretty in Pink (to the tune of Pretty in Pink)

Vote For Me (to the tune of Let It Be)

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You will need the following details for the nomination form:

Blog name: Slouching towards Thatcham
Blog URL: http://slouchingtowardsthatcham.com
Twitter ID: @thatchamdad
Favourite post (suggested): https://slouchingtowardsthatcham.com/2016/01/14/a-few-thoughts-on-grief-and-legacy/

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