Many eloquent and heartfelt words have already been written about the death of David Bowie last Sunday but I thought I would pay tribute in my own way.

David Robert Jones (he changed his name to avoid confusion with The Monkees’ front-man Davy Jones) is widely hailed as one of pop music’s most innovative influencers. Whether or not you liked his music, it’s impossible not to recognise him as a true original, from his songs to his various androgynous guises.

In a world where we bandy around the term too easily, Bowie was a genuine star over a span of five decades. Musical historians will look back on him as a legend in the same breath as contemporaries such as Freddie Mercury.

Bowie’s 26th studio album, Blackstar, was released last Friday, on his 69th birthday and two days before his death. He is survived by his former and current wives Angie Bowie (currently in the Celebrity Big Brother house) and Iman, and two children, Duncan and Alexandria.

By way of tribute, I’ve reworked one of Bowie’s most iconic tracks, Life On Mars, into a parenting parody. There’s no adequate way to mark the passing of a musical great but this will have to do. (And apologies in advance for the even more dodgy than usual singing on this – I have a sore throat at the moment.)

Kids In Cars

It’s a God-awful drive from hell
Our three children argue and yell
Evil mummy is saying no
While poor daddy don’t know where to go

A quick day trip to Southend-on-Sea
But the smallest one wants a wee
No more services now for miles
Faces frozen in rictus smiles

For a while they all played I Spy
Now they’re making each other cry
But no matter how hard we try
All we hear is the constant whine

Children screaming “Are we there yet?”
Oh man, still got two hours to go
‘Cos of that contraflow
Had enough of the Frozen
CD on the whole time
Just want to listen to the radio
Instead of Let It Go, no
Damn those kids in cars

We look behind us, it’s all the same
All children in cars assigning blame
Whether baby, toddler or teen
Pure misery is all you see

All those cars on congested roads
From the M4 to the Norfolk Broads
Air conditioning on full blast
Knew those wine gums would never last

For a while they all played iPads
‘Cos the battery life’s not too bad
But no matter how hard we try
All we hear is the constant whine

Children screaming “Are we there yet?”
Oh man, still got two hours to go
‘Cos of that contraflow
Had enough of the Frozen
CD on the whole time
Just want to listen to the radio
Instead of Let It Go, no
Damn those kids in cars

And here is the original in all its glory. It’s possible Bowie’s effort is slightly better than mine …

Parenting parodies

Thatcham Rhapsody (to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Toilet Trained (to the tune of Wonderwall)

Fairytale of Thatcham (to the tune of Fairytale of New York)

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