Here are three thoughts from this week’s American Idol live results show, as Haley Reinhart and Karen Rodriguez are dragged over to the Stools of Doom™ as two of the bottom three, and Ashthon Jones is sent home after receiving the fewest votes of the top 13 contestants.
How do you solve a problem like Maria My Thia?
I blame Haley’s yodelling for the fact that I’m now using really bad Sound of Music puns, but the group medley at the top of the show has always been a historically awful affair. Not because it is painfully obvious that some of the contestants desperately need lessons in lip-syncing, more for the fact it requires a group of totally disparate voices to attempt singing in harmony, and for those contestants who were born with two left feet to attempt some kind of choreographed movement.
Already this season, we have seen Scotty McCreery and Thia Magia remain firmly rooted to the spot during their live performances, which has led me to suspect they are fellow members of the Two-Left Feet Brigade™. And the fact that they spend most of the group performance sitting on a step only further reinforces that. I do hope they make them both dance at some point, though. I have a vision in my head of Scotty busting his uncle-at-a-wedding dance moves, and I want to see whether Thia is even less assured on her feet than season eight contestant Scott MacIntyre – you know, the blind one.
Incidentally, did anyone else notice that the producers’ solution to getting Scotty’s baritone to harmonise with the rest of the group was not to bother? It sounded like they just turned his sound-track right down to zero. Well, it made me laugh, anyway.
Anyway, this week it was a medley of Michael Jackson hits – Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’, Rock With You, Black or White and Man in the Mirror, to be precise. Fortunately for Thia, none of them were originally recorded by that Charlie Chapman fellow. Phew.
You look/sound just like …
The previous week, the judges had compared Ashthon to Diana Ross and Thia to Michael Jackson. Lo and behold, both pitched up this week performing songs by those artists, conveniently claiming they were really their personal idols.
Yes, I know most of them – in fact, probably everyone except the Selena-obsessed K-Rod – are economical with the truth when it comes to stating their idols for this round. Indeed, many of them covered themselves by carefully using the words “One of my idols …” But in both Ashthon’s and Thia’s case, picking songs by the artists they had been associated with turned out badly, as both performed poorly and opened themselves up to accusations of karaoke singing.
As the judges air their thoughts about the bottom three here, J-Lo says that Haley “looks like a young Stevie Nicks“. Oh God. Expect a rendition of Rooms On Fire some time soon. Or possibly some Fleetwood Mac? My money would be on Don’t Stop, although I’d much rather hear her sing Albatross. You know, the one with no words …
The mother of all fake-outs
We have become accustomed to Ryan Seacrest, the Master of the Overly-Dramatic Pause™, employing every trick under the sun to misdirect us as to who is staying and going. So he brings Jacob Lusk, Karen and Stefano Langone on to the stage and tells them they are all safe … except for Karen, that is.
So far, so good. But then he calls Lauren Alaina, Ashthon and Haley front and centre. Surely it’s one from three in the bottom three, right? After all, there are still six contestants on the sofas (Casey Abrams is in hospital again) waiting to hear their fates. But no, after telling Lauren she is safe Ryan announces that Ashthon is in the bottom three and then, quickly, before Haley can start to celebrate and make things all kind of awkward, he tells her she is too. Cue six bemused faces on the sofa going “Uh? What?”
Anyhow, Ashthon is told she may be going home, which is just a polite way of saying “Well, the judges could use their one and only save of the season on you. We know they won’t but let’s go through the charade of pretending they’re thinking about it while you sing, okay?”
So Ashthon performs her Diana Ross song again – just in case people hadn’t already noticed how bad she was the previous night – while R-Jack leans over and whispers something serious-looking in J-Lo’s ear. I think it was something like “Pizza or Chinese?”
———-
So it’s goodbye to Ashthon Jones, as 13 become 12. I’m off now, so that J-Lo can teach me how to ‘Dougie’. Next week: songs from the year the contestants were born. Casey was born in 1991. Will he dare to perform Nirvana‘s Smells Like Teen Spirit? I’m just saying …
American Idol posts
Auditions: New Jersey, New Orleans, Milwaukee, Nashville, Austin, Los Angeles, San Francisco
Hollywood Week: Solo auditions, Group round, Final round
Las Vegas & Green Mile: Las Vegas & Green Mile part 1, Green Mile part 2
Semi-finals: Boys, Girls, Results/wild cards
Top 13: Performances
Link: American Idol website
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